• Trish French, MSW, CAP, LCSW

You may be wondering why you have been trapped in your past pain for decades, possibly feeling imprisoned by continuous cycles of painful emotions, bad habits and harmful behaviors. What if I told you the main thing holding you back… is yourself? This has been a major factor for countless survivors healing vs feeling trapped in their pain. We will discuss the obstacles and negative beliefs that might be holding you back from seeking help, how they develop and what connections they have to your abuse.

You will gain insight into common excuses that keep sexual abuse survivors stuck in negative cycles, understanding why people choose fear, pain and anger, instead of loving themselves.

You may be using avoidance and distractions to take your mind off deeper issues. We will look at the negative impacts this will cause, taking time away from family and friends.

I don't want survivors to waste another minute, worrying about the past or future. Use the present moments to make positive changes and intelligent choices, like choosing your health, happiness and recovery.

If you want this lifestyle and are ready to heal, it's time to turn our focus inward. Growth and transformation only develop with daily routines that serve us, like working out, having a balanced diet and meditation.

This can be one of the most important decisions of your life, saying, “I’ve had enough and I'm ready to change,” or giving in to excuses and fear. However, you can't do both.

This is why mindset plays such an important role in moving forward into a better life. People today are not aware of their behaviors or lack the courage to change. In most situations, it's all they’ve ever known since they were a child.

I want to challenge those who are interested in my program but feel hesitant...

Think about how important it is to reach that next level in your life, to be able to put your past behind you. Quite often, I see people who are aware of their suffering, but are not willing to seek help. They know they need help to stop the pain, but they have a fear of starting.

You will need to focus on removing negative beliefs, routines and habits. These do not serve you. They pull attention and focus from the positives in your life. If you hope to fully recover, it's not just about healing; you will need to be able to maintain happiness over your lifetime.

Happiness is different for everyone, but one thing we all have in common is we need a quality of life and purpose, to feel fulfilled. Otherwise, we’ll experience a life filled with sadness and regret.

I want to dive right in today and get to the root of what’s holding you back from a greater life. People find different ways of coping with pain, anxiety and anger, but the issues I’m discussing in this article are clear indicators that you're holding yourself back.

First, let’s start with a lack of responsibility, not taking ownership of emotions or blaming others for your actions.

Before I move forward, I want to validate survivors. Your sexual abuse was not your fault, but if you are angry or bitter, taking out your frustrations on others, you are 100% responsible for your actions in the present. Learning to take responsibility and accountability will reprogram habits and core beliefs, helping you to become a grounded and peaceful person

If you cannot take ownership of your feelings, you’re masking your emotions. This will cost you over time, risking relationships and opportunities, causing you to isolate yourself, leading to depression or guilt. It’s mentally exhausting to push back feelings and put on a facade. We need to evolve past these self-destructive habits. It's not authentic to who you are, causing you to feel guilt, shame and even embarrassment.

A part of you is scared to change and this minimizes your current situation, saying, “It’s not that bad.” You may be lacking honesty by justifying or ignoring bad habits. In reality, you are barely able to function, pay attention and be present during your day.

I want you to know, you are not alone in wanting a greater life. Countless others have felt the same, craving independence, wanting to control emotions, instead of them controlling you.

You may struggle with slipping into your “lower-self”, cycling back to harmful behaviors and self-sabotage. Don't fall into this pattern. For those who are not familiar with what “lower-self” means, it is the fearful and doubtful part of a persons psyche. It's not from a place of confidence; it's a negative voice that overrides your logical side. To give clarity, your lower-self roots back to your trauma and painful experiences.

Your mind-frame is stuck in the past, or you have anxiety about the future. Either way, you're not taking charge of your life. To give you some insight, this is something that is taught to sexual abuse survivors. These negative behaviors developed from being around abusive people. You’ll seek approval by people-pleasing, acting submissive to receive attention. It's not healthy to live this way. You are starving for genuine love, but feel you don’t deserve it.

I am here to tell you, you are deserving; you have just been conditioned to feel the opposite.

Abusive people made you feel worthless. If you come from an abusive household, you may begin to normalize negative behaviors. In many cases, it's scary for you to let your guard down and trust others because the people closest to you hurt you. These experiences has caused you to cloister up and become defensive in many situations, making you hypersensitive and taking away the simple pleasures in life, like being social, happy and loving.

Many of us do not understand the physiological damage that happens throughout time. Most survivors have chosen to stay in the same place mentally and emotionally because it’s their comfort zone. Even if it’s not healthy and hurts them constantly, they justify the pain because it's familiar and predictable.

Living in your comfort zone is what stops you from taking that next step, the “safe zone” vs “the unknown.”

Well, I'm here to call out the obvious… I know you are tired of the same results, feeling the same way every day. You're sick of waking up, feeling like two different people.

Think about it…

  • What do you want after healing? Do you have goals and dreams?

  • How will you feel and act without these painful emotions?

  • How will your relationships be different?

If you are struggling with your self-worth and don't know how to change, it's simple. It’s all about the value you place on your life. I do not accept people belittling themselves.

I want you to know, you are loved and important in this world. Life is waiting for you to join in; you have a reason for being here.

Even the bad experiences we suffered serve a purpose if we let them. I want you to build a positive and stable foundation for the rest of your life. Just know, if you can't rely on yourself, no one else can rely on you.

What would it mean to you if you could become reliable, both mentally and emotionally? Any happy, healthy person wants to feel important and appreciated, surrounded by positive people, adopting self-care routines and practicing self-love. For most, this is a normal standard; however, for those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, this is the daily struggle.

That’s why I ask you… What will it cost if you ignore your feelings and fall back into self-sabotage or negative cycles? What’s at risk of being lost?

  • A job you’ve worked so hard to keep

  • A marriage that you desperately want to save.

  • Maybe you have little ones who are growing up and they need a role model.

It’s critical for those suffering from mental health issues to seek treatment before their world starts falling apart.

This might trigger a sense of fear or sadness, maybe even anger or frustration. None of these feelings are wrong, but moving forward, you need to regroup your thoughts and emotions, asking:

I want you to choose the smarter option, invest in yourself.

When I use the term invest, people often relate this word to money or business. Our society does value money... the newest car, the latest smartphone, whatever is popular at the time. We are a culture of luxuries. Most people love to have the best. We relate our self-worth to our net-worth.

I'm sure these items make your life more convenient, but it's not going to mend your heart and broken relationships. Comforts are wonderful, but I’ve seen successful people throw away their comforts, money and happiness because they felt the pain and hell of their past.

We are living in a very technological and materialistic world. Things like the newest cell phones and fashions hold a higher priority than our happiness and security. We think grabbing Starbucks coffee and luxury items will fix how we feel on the inside. We have made a routine of receiving our happiness from other sources, like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, but we need more than surface-level attention from an app. This is an issue in our society that needs to be mentioned. We use luxuries and comforts to distract from serious mental health issues. The fact is, sexual abuse survivors are more at risk than anyone.

You can have all the riches and wealth in the world and still feel lost and bitter. You can be in a crowd of your best friends and loved ones and feel alone and disconnected. That is why you don't have any time left to waste. If you are still struggling with your past from childhood sexual abuse, I want to work with you.

Don’t invest your time and energy into long-term therapy or treatment centers. They will not achieve the results or resolution that our program provides. Who has 5-7 years OR $50,000 to waste?

You need a solution. Seeking expert help should be common sense, but some people will continue to seek cheaper treatments and free materials, like self-help books, articles and online videos. If you have used these resources, how much have they helped you? How many self-help books do you have sitting on a shelf, collecting dust?

I want survivors to dig deep and consider the future for a moment…

  • How many years have you spent trying to heal on your own?

  • Can you put up with your pain and suffering much longer?

  • What happens if you don’t solve your issues, what will you lose?

This is why if you’re stuck in the past, you need to understand, you are making choices every single day. Every decision you make, either brings you closer to healing or further from your ideal life. One choice leads to freedom and the other brings you back down into pain and powerlessness.  

Our program is an investment in a new you, living your dream life within months. It’s time to finally get the lasting healing you need and so deserve.

If you are eager to take the next step and are ready to get to work, let’s talk about how to become an ideal client. We serve…

  • High-achieving professionals who are ambitious and ready to live an extraordinary life.

  • You’re resourceful and highly motivated. You’re committed to doing the deep, difficult work of healing from your past. You don’t want to wait one more day to find healing.

  • You’re eager to start an accelerated healing journey and are serious about finally healing from your painful past.

Our program works best for those who are highly committed, coachable and resourceful.

Transformational Healing Method isn’t easy– but it is effective. We’ve had over 400 clients sign up for this program, and we’re proud to share that 100% have successfully completed it.

If you’re wondering… Will this actually work for me?

That’s a normal feeling, especially after trying every option out there – years of therapy, treatment centers, shelves of self-help books, numbing with alcohol or food, pretending the abuse didn’t happen…. You have every right to wonder if healing – true, lasting healing – is even possible.

Transformational Healing Method was born out of the dire need to provide not just a treatment, but a solution. This modern solution combines multiple modalities – from psychology, neuroscience, cognitive tools and more – in a unique structure that’s unlike other programs out there. Our program takes the best from therapy and coaching and combines it with cutting-edge methods of transformation. We go deep into your past and present to help you recover, release AND create lasting change.

My methods combine:

  • elite therapeutic techniques

  • a hybrid individual therapy approach with daily accountability, mastery and support

  • world-class coaching

  • powerful online course material

  • transformational application

  • and an out-of-this-world community of other top-notch survivors like yourself

Transformational Healing Method is a revolutionary 12-week program with one goal in mind – to help trauma survivors find lasting healing.

It digs deep into your past and removes negative habits, self-doubt and emotional disconnection, teaching you how to master your emotions, focus on your health and ignite your passions so you can live an extraordinary life with purpose. Our program is the result of 15 years of international research, client studies and extensive specialized knowledge. It’s designed to replace a decade worth of traditional therapy sessions – all in 12 weeks. For more information, please visit our website at www.TrishFrenchTherapy.com.